There's 'what's right.' There's 'what's expected.' And then there's also 'what I want.' Unfortunately they almost never overlap. And put together it makes a horrible cocktail that leaves nothing but a whole lot of bitterness. It's not meant to be put together it seems. At least not in certain ways. I guess we're all a prey to this drink.
Sometimes I find myself in multiple personalities, doing each of those at different times. It's crazy and at the same time, the only sane thing to do. Rather the only thing to do to stay sane. Being a different person for everyone often makes me forget who I really wanted to be. What I really want. But maybe that's what I'm supposed to be doing? Exhausting as it is, it seems to be the only way to survive.
When I was little, I always felt different from everyone, unique, somehow connected to something greater and something beyond. But I never could figure out what that is. I felt this magic inside of me, something that made me see me as so different from everyone, seeing things others didn't see, and discovering secrets no one knew about. Life is moving in the direction I want it to move in...yet in the process I'm losing so much. I wish I could go back to being a dreamer again. I wish I could go back to my world...a field of grass swaying in the soft winds, stretching out past any horizons, endlessly, a bright sun shining all day, with an old-fashioned stereo on my side playing my favorite songs... I'm sitting alone just taking in the peace of the moment, a moment that's everlasting. Just want to go back to my world of dreams.
What am I doing here? Why am I doing this? Am I really happy, or just pretending? What have I become? This isn't who I wanted to be. This isn't what I dreamed about. No wings and all spaces finite. I'm just one of the many. Why can I see a sky? Why can I see the limits? Is this what they call growing up? Or is it something else? Or am I just a coward?
I have voices inside of me telling me to let loose and just do what I want. To take a break from this life, and go make mistakes, to rebel, to forget inhibitions, break the rules, and just release my soul into the freedom that my heart seems to long for. I wished for world peace, end of poverty, education for all, and a society where giving was the only desire in people's hearts. Somewhere I've lost myself in a system and want to find myself now.
Sometimes I find myself in multiple personalities, doing each of those at different times. It's crazy and at the same time, the only sane thing to do. Rather the only thing to do to stay sane. Being a different person for everyone often makes me forget who I really wanted to be. What I really want. But maybe that's what I'm supposed to be doing? Exhausting as it is, it seems to be the only way to survive.
When I was little, I always felt different from everyone, unique, somehow connected to something greater and something beyond. But I never could figure out what that is. I felt this magic inside of me, something that made me see me as so different from everyone, seeing things others didn't see, and discovering secrets no one knew about. Life is moving in the direction I want it to move in...yet in the process I'm losing so much. I wish I could go back to being a dreamer again. I wish I could go back to my world...a field of grass swaying in the soft winds, stretching out past any horizons, endlessly, a bright sun shining all day, with an old-fashioned stereo on my side playing my favorite songs... I'm sitting alone just taking in the peace of the moment, a moment that's everlasting. Just want to go back to my world of dreams.
What am I doing here? Why am I doing this? Am I really happy, or just pretending? What have I become? This isn't who I wanted to be. This isn't what I dreamed about. No wings and all spaces finite. I'm just one of the many. Why can I see a sky? Why can I see the limits? Is this what they call growing up? Or is it something else? Or am I just a coward?
I have voices inside of me telling me to let loose and just do what I want. To take a break from this life, and go make mistakes, to rebel, to forget inhibitions, break the rules, and just release my soul into the freedom that my heart seems to long for. I wished for world peace, end of poverty, education for all, and a society where giving was the only desire in people's hearts. Somewhere I've lost myself in a system and want to find myself now.
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