Showing posts with label dream. Show all posts
Showing posts with label dream. Show all posts

Tuesday, November 1, 2016

only I can see

Stepping out of the gym doors of the school building, I was excited that school was finally over for the day. The journey into my world began as soon as I stepped out the door. It was windy and the wind seemed to pick up the fall leaves and gently circle them around in what looked like a systematic way. As I walked on towards the twirling leaves, they came towards me too, eventually circling me. I understood how they expressed themselves. Their freedom. Their creativity. Their spontaneity. Saying many things, in multiple languages, but all in a harmonious sync that only I could hear. The winds forming a pattern only I could see. It seemed, they wanted me to twirl too. Locking in my thoughts safely in my mind, stifling my grin and excitement for the wonders of the world that only I could see, I walked on quickly to find my mom waiting in her car. At home, I ate a bit, and watched some TV before going up to my room to look out the window at the sunset I stared at often. How the different colors came together fascinated me. An experience I had all to myself. As I watched it, characters developed in my mind first, becoming weaved slowly into a story I was piecing together at the moment. My stories had no beginning, and no ends. Only moments, experiences, excerpts, awkwardly placed on a blank sheet. I never did know how to write beginnings and ends.

Sometimes I would run around the house, pretending to solve a mystery, catch a thief, escape danger. Sprinting through the grass, I would jump onto the deck, racing to the edges and climbing over in one smooth, swift move, back on the grass, tussling through low branches of the trees, running across the front lawn before any passing car could spot me, and doing it all over again. In my stories, I could save the world. There were no barriers. No countries or languages, no demons I couldn't slay, no one I couldn't save. In my world, I could do it all.


Thursday, October 29, 2015

ekla cholo re

যদি আলো না ধরে, ওরে ওরে ও অভাগা,
যদি ঝড়-বাদলে আঁধার রাতে দুয়ার দেয় ঘরে-
তবে বজ্রানলে
আপন বুকের পাঁজর জ্বালিয়ে নিয়ে একলা জ্বলো রে।।

If they shut doors and do not hold up the light when the night is troubled with storm,
O thou unlucky one,
with the thunder flame of pain ignite your own heart,
and let it burn alone.
 Rabindranath Tagore (Source: Wikipedia)

I have mused on the topic of freedom in the past in a few posts, but let's get a clear definition first. Freedom really means very different things for different people. And what it means to us may not necessarily be what we have the capacity to apply to those around us or our loved ones. So begin with understanding your definition and the definition of those around you.

To me, freedom is a free mind and spirit. It includes the ability to have the thoughts that I have (even if they're not always positive happy thoughts). It means to investigate the questions my mind raises to conventional things. It means that if/when I find the courage to change something for the better, to go ahead and do it. It means if I feel something is truly right, to follow my instinct even if I'm alone. It also means to find the ability within yourself to take care of yourself.

Some people may believe freedom = selfishness, or too much time thinking about yourself. But in reality, if we look at the big picture, we're all a part of a big community, interconnected in more than one way with millions of people around the world. We are like the foundations on which a house can be built and be bolstered up. If, as parts of this important foundation, we do not look after ourselves and our needs, how can we be individually strong parts? Subsequently, we can't really be a strong part of the teams we build. Essentially, if one cannot take care of themselves, they can't be a integral part of the system they are a part of. And THAT can be extremely important in knowing one's value.

Finding yourself or finding courage do not have to be such difficult things to achieve. For most of us, it would be as simple as opening up our eyes, ears, and hearts more.

Wednesday, August 13, 2014

dabbles & splatters

A few days back, I went to the bookstore. Stepping inside, I was met with a warm rusty smell of paper. As I walked further, I could faintly smell freshly ground roasted coffee beans and heard busy rustling sounds of book customers. What a feeling. A bookstore must be the only indoor place that can give you the same warm feeling as being with nature.

A few days back, I also tried digitally painting. This is what I came up with:

It's fascinating how art can be created literally with anything or with nothing at all. The tools are all in your mind, and your mind is limitless in its creativity. I giggled to myself, if only I could sell my drawings! But I can't stand the thought of my work being judged. Drawing isn't just my hobby, it's a passion and it's very personal. It marks the horizons at which my thoughts are.

I stared around the bookstore, walking around and reading excerpts of the best sellers out in the front... my mind went into a frenzy of thoughts! I transported to another universe, full of different stories, of damsels and knights, of dragons and children, of science and magic, all floating around in space, waiting to meet, to be written, completed, and shared. I couldn't contain my excitement! I had no idea where to begin, no pencil and paper to scratch my ideas onto! Time just wasn't on my side - soon enough it was time to go home. Driving back, firey sparks of ideas still contained my thoughts, but dwindled into sparkling mists as I curled up in bed to sleep.

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Scary dream

So I have a reputation of having really scary/bad dreams regularly :-( and pretty vivid ones too....
Last night:

I dreamt in my dream. In my dream, I was sleeping in the red bedroom in my house, my sister was asleep too. As I slept, I had a dream. I saw that there was this old lady (around 50 in age, looking a little young for her age with makeup) who was conspiring against me and Kriti, she was tricking us into something and we got tricked. I saw in my dream (in the dream) that when we wake up, I'll ask Kriti (my sister) to come with me to the bathroom so I can tell her about the dream and we know to stick together. I saw another whole series of things in the dream (in my dream) and soon was awake (awake in my dream).

Kriti woke up at the same time I woke up. (Now we're out of the dream in the dream) I told her the first two scenes of my dream, and she mentioned another scene in the series...and I realized that we actually had the same dream. Which means...something is up! Confused and scared, I walked out of my room and went left, saw a lady at our staircase, acting sort of like a host. It was kind of unusual since we don't really have servants/hosts other than ourselves in the house, but I didn't make much of it in the dream. I turned around to go back to my room and in the front was our yellow room (yellow room, right of the red room) and on the bed was a ~50-yr old lady. Still confused as to why someone, someone not related to me or my friend, is in my room, I asked, "Hi, can I help you?"
She looked at me and said, "Yes, I'd like to meet your mother."
Suspecting something at this point, I got defensive and retorted back, "I'm sorry she's busy in the kitchen. If you want to meet her, you'll have to go downstairs."
She said, "Oh...but could you call her upstairs?"
Me, "No! I'm sorry, but she's busy, she'll be too tired to walk up and down the stairs! If you want to meet her, you'll have to go downstairs!"
.....and I started backing away from her slowly with Kriti...each step taking me further away from her, trying to get outside the room so we could..escape?

Old lady: "But you guys are going to go to the bathroom right now..."
At this point, I know this sounds really funny, but please envision this to be MUCH scarier than how you read it. I realized that she wanted us to go through the story exactly how it happened...first I take Kriti in the bathroom and tell her my dream, then we come out..so on..
After this little moment, scared for our lives and really angered, I grabbed the lady by her collar and told her that nothing like that is going to happen. In a fit of rage, I guess I tore her collar and she looked up at me, her eyes suddenly gray and her pupil like a cat's (Cats are cute, but not my ideal pet)....and she cursed me (like a real curse from which you can't escape) and somewhere in her speech I guess she mentioned that only way to escape the curse is if I can touch ground 5 stories below without touching the floors/steps in the middle. Basically I should jump from 5-story building - I wasn't finding this too appealing :-/

In desperation and fear, I took Kriti's hand and jumped from the top of the staircase to the floor below hoping that 1) one-story will do the trick, and the curse will be broken, and/or 2) if nothing else, we might as well try to escape). I ran to the kitchen screaming, "MUMMY! MUMMY!!! MUMMYYY!!!"

And with that note, I woke up kind of disturbed. This time I woke up really... in real life. Thank God!

I've been asked to write a happy ending to this story and read it before I go to bed, in attempt to get rid of my bad dreams saga. So I'm going to give this a little try :)

My Custom Happy Ending: Remember how I said the old lady was asking for Mummy? Well, we got to the kitchen screaming Mummy's name, and told Mummy that this lady was after us. Mummy, being the supermom that she is :), got enfuriated. When the two ladies came downstairs, Mummy looked them both in the eye and said..."MERE CHOTE CHOTE BACCHON KO DARATE HO!!??!?! JAATE HO YA BELAN SE MAARUN!!!!"
And there the ladies were destroyed and vanished forever!

Thanks Mummy dearest, for saving the day and our lives :-)