Wednesday, August 14, 2013

a mind full of butterflies

My mind is full of butterflies - little thoughts that soar in all directions...long nightmares that wake me up...and sometimes last through the day...unexpected pangs of pain that visit and revisit...and small ideas with wings, that promise happiness - and I see a bright light at the end of this dark road. Not sure when I'll get there, but I do see a light.

A friend asked me once, "teach me how to forgive." I was speechless and blank. The hardest thing to do is to forgive. Forgive others and forgive yourself. One word, but requires such courage to find itself grounded at one's core. Forgiveness requires a detachment from people, feelings, and things. Forgiveness requires to forget. None of these are possible for an average human being.

At some point my mind wanders back to my own world, where I can be free to my heart's desire. And at another point, it finds itself in the reality of now, where love and pain live together. I guess this cycle is necessary. Not to find ourselves, because we never really do. But to determine one goal, by constantly evaluating our journey and connecting it with our goal. It's really a constant process.

It's a sad concept, that we must be our own heroes, our own saviors, complete in ourselves, while our mind and heart so desire protection and lean towards love and dependency. In another sense, it can be liberating to know that we are in fact created to complete ourselves. And that, that really may be the cycle we are meant to complete.

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