People make sacrifices to feel good about themselves. To feel less guilty. And yes, somewhere, for that other person. But I've always questioned this. I've questioned the word "sacrifice." I've questioned things we do that aren't from the heart. I've questioned all those actions, and all those decisions we make, that we think we do for someone else, but really are only for us. I've questioned the idea of a sacrifice truly being one. And I've questioned in the end, why one person's happiness is above anothers. Is that okay? And if so, when is that okay? One person's happiness couldn't possibly be more important than another's, but the time of the actions taken entitles one to more happiness than the other at the time. This must be the law of nature, because it seems two people can't be happy together until they are truly on the same path. Two people, while different, can't be happy together unless aiming for the same definition of happiness. Two people can't be happy together unless they work together for the same future, and become pillars for each other. Because if not, those very pillars also have the deadly potential to whisk away from the foundation that the two people build. It must be then a very delicate balancing act, where one's strengths cushions the other's weaknesses. More so, that one's weaknesses even in some situations becomes a surprising token of strength. It's a strange kind of dependence. One we must learn to do in the face of the real world, the teachings of which push us to be all on our own. A dependence based solely on those abstract concepts like love, trust, and commitment. It's part of the eternal balance that we as humans must learn - the balance of independence and dependence. We cannot truly be all alone, and yet we also cannot live depending on others. Just like many others, I still seek that balance.
I've come only to believe that the best thing we can do for others, is to help ourselves. It is the only way to better this world. To not worry about "seeming" selfish, but to have faith that happiness is a gift to spread and share, and it starts from us first. There is no need for a show of sacrifice when the intention of giving is deep within our hearts. Giving is not a sacrifice - it's sharing, it's expanding, it's allowing perspective, and it's letting go when needed.
I trust my instincts. I trust my values. I trust that they have budded from good places and good people. I trust that they take me to happiness. I have faith.
If I think back to the choice I could have made differently, maybe circumstances would have been different. People and feelings could have been different. But yet, there's a part of me that constantly tells me that this was meant to be, so it was not to fight against. If I think about the present, those same people, I feel maybe I could have saved them, spared their feelings, and protected them from hurt. And then saved myself. But then there's a part of me that's my own cheerleader, and always was. It tells me to look deep inside myself to find a resilient warrior.
I think back again and feel that maybe, just maybe the scars we have were not necessary. The pain, hurt, and sadness was not needed. It could have been avoided. But then my inner voice tells me that it couldn't have been avoided. That at every moment I really did do my very best.
I so want to live in sadness and guilt, give myself time to be in pain. But peace and happiness stand knocking at my door.
A part of me wants to be still and drown myself in penance until I'm numb, but time pulls me up and forward. And the life and stability I so awaited, now call for me.
When I look at those people who know, I get a flashback that ropes me backwards. But when I look at myself, my reflection tells me to face it all with a smile.
I've come only to believe that the best thing we can do for others, is to help ourselves. It is the only way to better this world. To not worry about "seeming" selfish, but to have faith that happiness is a gift to spread and share, and it starts from us first. There is no need for a show of sacrifice when the intention of giving is deep within our hearts. Giving is not a sacrifice - it's sharing, it's expanding, it's allowing perspective, and it's letting go when needed.
I trust my instincts. I trust my values. I trust that they have budded from good places and good people. I trust that they take me to happiness. I have faith.
If I think back to the choice I could have made differently, maybe circumstances would have been different. People and feelings could have been different. But yet, there's a part of me that constantly tells me that this was meant to be, so it was not to fight against. If I think about the present, those same people, I feel maybe I could have saved them, spared their feelings, and protected them from hurt. And then saved myself. But then there's a part of me that's my own cheerleader, and always was. It tells me to look deep inside myself to find a resilient warrior.
I think back again and feel that maybe, just maybe the scars we have were not necessary. The pain, hurt, and sadness was not needed. It could have been avoided. But then my inner voice tells me that it couldn't have been avoided. That at every moment I really did do my very best.
I so want to live in sadness and guilt, give myself time to be in pain. But peace and happiness stand knocking at my door.
A part of me wants to be still and drown myself in penance until I'm numb, but time pulls me up and forward. And the life and stability I so awaited, now call for me.
When I look at those people who know, I get a flashback that ropes me backwards. But when I look at myself, my reflection tells me to face it all with a smile.
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