predestination

I have become used to big changes in my life. From home, to college. From a dorm to an apartment. From an apartment to another, and then another. Then back home, then Boston, and then back home, and then back to the Midwest and recently switched apartments again. As the moves became larger and larger, it became easier to start over. It also became easier to learn to be independent, resilient, satisfied, and most important of all, happy. Starting over gave me a chance to forgive, to forget, to stand back up, and to move on.

What got harder is being alone. It became harder to be running around, and sometimes running away from people and things. No. Actually it became harder to be doing it even now, and on my own. I realize that the changes in life come in many forms, good or bad as they may. Sometimes it can be a big sudden move from one place to another. Other times it can be a change in relationships that takes place slowly over time. I've come to realize that while we may not know why they happen or when they will happen, their presence in our lives must be to some extent pre-determined. And so they are there to change our destiny. They are there to help us, hopefully, grow. To change our idea of success, love, or even just happiness. To teach us acceptance and tolerance. To act as reminders for us, by showing up as arrows in our path that always point in only the same direction - forward.

Sometimes our journey doesn't form a full circle. It makes me think that 1) either I've made a mistake and strayed, or 2) that this might just in fact be my journey. I've started to believe that where we go and end up is where we are meant to be. I now understand that the past was real, and it happened for a reason as well. They have taught us, enriched us, and I hope, have made us stronger. Life is a result of the unconscious and conscious choices we're making each moment. It works out for some, but this might not result in the best for some, but know that that is just an indication that the best is yet to come. The decisions that are made help some and hurt others. But in the end, their place in the circle of life is necessary - they have helped someone. They have made history. And they happened for a reason. And we must remember that. I know that pain doesn't just disappear as if nothing ever happened. But in combination with our past, it leaves little marks, as reminders of our past and surprisingly, also as a small token of courage.