I stayed at home today and spent some time with my niece. She's a beautiful, charming little girl, highly curious, demanding, dramatic, and extroverted. I wonder who imbibed these qualities in her, but am glad that she speaks up nevertheless. I am closely surrounded by numerous subtle and not-so-subtle examples of male chauvinism, sexism, and misogyny. It's sickening the roles that are assigned to everyone and even more sickening the twisted way in which they accept it. As I get pushed to the background and watch silently, I end up only harvesting very strong negative feelings within me. I make mental notes to self, "this is something I will never allow in the future," all the while doing nothing for the present. I know I won't last in this environment very long, at least not as myself.
The spectrum which includes the various formulations of acceptance is well-represented here. There are those who are blissfully, pleasantly, conveniently ignorant. Hence they are also the most tolerant, often scapegoats, punching bags, generally least respected, most likely to compromise, and most often.....they are women. Often compromising their self-respect, independence, and self-confidence, this is in the end is the only way they find stability and peace in their individual lives. It's an exchange they have made with their lives willingly. There are some who have a secret life behind the walls of simplicity and humility, and facade of wealth. Places and people they go to for escape and release, while they live superficial lives that reek of age-old, misplaced traditions. Things they know and do that make them dangerous to be around. Some harbor jealousy and a few, even worse, revenge. It's like living an Indian serial, with all the drama, romance, jealousy, and violence. In this jungle, my trust flutters around aimlessly, unsuccessfully trying to find people to land on.
I find myself confused sometimes - wondering if I should just blend in and do as these women do, to get on with life. But something inside me hates myself for even thinking in that direction. I can't let this cycle go on.
However, I haven't given up. I want to end by saying that even with such experiences, I so badly seek a glimmer of hope that I don't need now very much to keep faith. Faith that humanity and its culture are on their way to betterment. And I will be a part of this revolution. Revolution in some ways against myself, I will use all the strength that I have to change what I have the courage and power to.
The spectrum which includes the various formulations of acceptance is well-represented here. There are those who are blissfully, pleasantly, conveniently ignorant. Hence they are also the most tolerant, often scapegoats, punching bags, generally least respected, most likely to compromise, and most often.....they are women. Often compromising their self-respect, independence, and self-confidence, this is in the end is the only way they find stability and peace in their individual lives. It's an exchange they have made with their lives willingly. There are some who have a secret life behind the walls of simplicity and humility, and facade of wealth. Places and people they go to for escape and release, while they live superficial lives that reek of age-old, misplaced traditions. Things they know and do that make them dangerous to be around. Some harbor jealousy and a few, even worse, revenge. It's like living an Indian serial, with all the drama, romance, jealousy, and violence. In this jungle, my trust flutters around aimlessly, unsuccessfully trying to find people to land on.
I find myself confused sometimes - wondering if I should just blend in and do as these women do, to get on with life. But something inside me hates myself for even thinking in that direction. I can't let this cycle go on.
However, I haven't given up. I want to end by saying that even with such experiences, I so badly seek a glimmer of hope that I don't need now very much to keep faith. Faith that humanity and its culture are on their way to betterment. And I will be a part of this revolution. Revolution in some ways against myself, I will use all the strength that I have to change what I have the courage and power to.
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